when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
