I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
