Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
