Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
