No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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