sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
