You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Are my feet made of real feet?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
