She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
