then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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