Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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