Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
