i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
