My sheets look like a crime scene.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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