just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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