So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
