Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
