I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
