I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
