Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
