listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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