dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
