Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
