Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
