The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
