he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
