Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
