Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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