Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
