I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
