im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
