I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
