I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
