im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
