You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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