I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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