Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize