Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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