my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
