no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize