did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize