my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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