I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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