i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize