Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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