dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
