I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
