you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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