dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
