His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
