how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
