I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
