Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize