4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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