just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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