he puts the penis in happiness.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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