They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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