U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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