Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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