He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
