is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
