i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize