I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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