Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
