i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
