my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My cat gives me a boner
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this hospital has no fireball
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
