I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
