the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
