I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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