I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
