Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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