if i can run in heels then i can drive
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
