this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize