I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
