I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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