we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
