No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
