Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How's work?
Spinning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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