Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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