Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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